Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller | money

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There’s so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

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Phyllis Diller | men

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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

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Phyllis Diller | home

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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

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Phyllis Diller | home

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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

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Phyllis Diller | good

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It’s a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I’d be rotten to the core.

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Phyllis Diller | funny

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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

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Phyllis Diller | funny

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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

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Phyllis Diller | funny

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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?

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Phyllis Diller | business

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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

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Phyllis Diller | best

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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

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