Tag: Steven Wrighthumor

I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was “Quote” so the last thing I said before I died would be “Unquote.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, ‘Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?