Tag: Steven Wright

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I’m home now. But leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I’m gone.

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I’m the only one moving.