Because of you

Tag: Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers | history

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, that’s why we call it the present.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.

Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, that’s why we call it the present.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.