Tag: Jerry Seinfeld

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christmas

Jerry Seinfeld | christmas

That’s the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me.

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Women

Jerry Seinfeld | women

Men want to make women happy.

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Women

Jerry Seinfeld | women

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ‘I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.’

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Truth

Jerry Seinfeld | truth

The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn’t have that kind of personality, and it’s a terrifying thing to say.

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men

Jerry Seinfeld | men

Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

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marriage

Jerry Seinfeld | marriage

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

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Life

Jerry Seinfeld | life

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving.

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God

Jerry Seinfeld | god

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.

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funny

Jerry Seinfeld | funny

I think it’s funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Categories
funny

Jerry Seinfeld | funny

The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

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