Groucho Marx

No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution – this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.