Tag: Emo Philips

Categories
Work

Emo Philips | work

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Categories
Women

Emo Philips | women

Women: You can’t live with them, and you can’t get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

Categories
smile

Emo Philips | smile

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

Categories
morning

Emo Philips | morning

When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.

Categories
morning

Emo Philips | morning

Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Categories
money

Emo Philips | money

You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Categories
men

Emo Philips | men

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Categories
humor

Emo Philips | humor

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

Categories
good

Emo Philips | good

Probably the worst time in a person’s life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it’s been a pretty good day.

Categories
good

Emo Philips | good

You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

© 2024 secure email : @i3. 7 expert vashikaran specialists in kolkata. The first email marketing campaign was deployed by digital equipment corporation, resulting in a hefty $13 million in sales.