Itâs very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty-two, youâd always be as ignorant as you were at twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. Itâs growth. Itâs more than the negative that youâre going to die, itâs also the positive that you understand youâre going to die, and that you live a better life because of it.
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This is part of what a family is about, not just love. It’s knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame. Not work.
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You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship
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This is part of what a family is about, not just love, but letting others know thereâs someone who is watching out for them. Itâs what I missed so much when my mother diedâwhat I call your âspiritual securityââknowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame.
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So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
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There is no experience like having children.â Thatâs all. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children.
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Take any emotionâlove for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what Iâm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotionsâif you donât allow yourself to go all the way through themâyou can never get to being detached, youâre too busy being afraid. Youâre afraid of the pain, youâre afraid of the grief. Youâre afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. âBut by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, âAll right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a momentâ.
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There is no point in keeping vengeance or stubbornness. These things” -he sighed- “these things I so regret in my life. Pride. Vanity. Why do we do the things we do? Morrie Schwartz
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