I didnt pay atteniton to times or distance, instead focusing on how it felt just to be in motion, knowing it wasn’t about the finish line but how I got there that mattered.
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But all I could think of was how when nothing made sense and hadn’t for ages, you just have to grab onto anything you feel sure of.
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Look,” I said, “We knew Jason and Becky would be back, the break would end. This isn’t a surprise, it’s what’s supposed to happen. It’s what we wanted. Right?””Is it?” he asked. “Is it what you want?”Whether he intended it to be or not, this was the final question, the last Truth. If I said what I really thought, I was opening myself up for a hurt bigger than I could even imagine. I didn’t have it in me. We changed and altered so many rules, but it was this one, the only one when we’d started, that I would break.”Yes,” I said.
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But that was the problem with having the answers. It was only after you gave them that you realized they sometimes weren’t what people wanted to hear.
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The choices you make now, the people you surround yourself with, they all have the potential to affect your life, even who you are, forever.
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I knew that in the silence that followed, that anything could happen here. It might be too late again. I might have missed my chance. But I would at least know I tried, that I took my heart and extended my hand, whatever the outcome.
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What you have to decide… is how you want your life to be. If your forever was ending tomorrow, would this be how you’d want to have spent it? Listen, the truth is, nothing is guaranteed. You know that more than anybody. So dont be afraid. Be alive.
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I realized how truly hard it was, really, to see someone you love change right before your eyes. Not only is it scary, it throws your balance off as well.
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Some people, they can’t just move on, you know, mourn and cry and be done with it. Or at least seem to be. But for me… I don’t know. I didn’t want to fix it, to forget. It wasn’t something that was broken. It’s just…something that happened. And like that hole, I’m just finding ways, every day, of working around it. Respecting and remembering and getting on at the same time.
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I knew, in the silence that followed, that anything could happen here. It might be too late: again, I might have missed my chance. But I would at least know I tried, that I took my heart and extended my hand, whatever the outcome.”Okay,” he said. He took a breath. “What would you do, if you could do anything?”I took a step toward him, closing the space between us. “This,” I said. And then I kissed him.
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