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Stephen Colbert

Quote from Stephen Colbert, I Am America

So if animals aren’t our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

Categories
Stephen Colbert

Quote from Stephen Colbert, I Am America

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

Categories
Stephen Colbert

Quote from Stephen Colbert

There’s nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

Categories
Stephen Colbert

Quote from Stephen Colbert, I Am America

I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you’re reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I’ve ever written, and I hope it’s the first book you’ve ever read. Don’t make a habit of it.

Categories
Stephen Colbert

Quote from Stephen Colbert, I Am America

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

Categories
Stephen Colbert

Quote from Stephen Colbert, I Am America

Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes.

Categories
Stephen Colbert

Quote from Stephen Colbert

If God wanted us to get high, he’d have created plants that became psychoactive when eaten or smoked.

Categories
Stephen Colbert

Quote from Stephen Colbert

Wikipedia is the first place I go when I’m looking for knowledge… or when I want to create some.

Categories
Stephen Colbert

Quote from Stephen Colbert

Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes’.

Categories
Stephen Colbert

Quote from Stephen Colbert

Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.

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