Joan Rivers | work
I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
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Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers | work
What are people going to do? Fire me? I’ve been fired before. Not book me? I’ve been out of work before. I don’t care.
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Joan Rivers | wisdom
Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Joan Rivers | war
She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers | thankful
Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Joan Rivers | respect
Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.’.
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Joan Rivers | money
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
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Joan Rivers | life
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
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