Groucho Marx

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution – this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.