Demetri Martin | freedom
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Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin | food
I like to use ‘I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter’ on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.
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Demetri Martin | dreams
But what I was going to say was, I just figured I’m going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams, say it as Thoreau would say, and just see where it takes me.
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Demetri Martin | cool
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, ‘Looks like you’re writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you’ll get more money.’
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Demetri Martin | car
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they’re very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they’re kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy.
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Demetri Martin | birthday
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.
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Quote from Demetri Martin
I like video games, but they’re really violent. I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.
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