Voicemail #1: āHi, Isabel Culpeper. I am lying in my bed, looking at the ceiling. I am mostly naked. I am thinking of ā¦ your mother. Call me.āVoicemail #2: The first minute and thirty seconds of āIāve Gotta Get a Message to Youā by the Bee Gees. Voicemail #3: āIām bored. I need to be entertained. Sam is moping. I may kill him with his own guitar. It would give me something to do and also make him say something. Two birds with one stone! I find all these old expressions unnecessarily violent. Like, ring around the rosy. Thatās about the plague, did you know? Of course you did. The plague is, like, your older cousin. Hey, does Sam talk to you? He says jack shit to me. God, Iām bored. Call me.āVoicemail #4: āHotel Californiaā by the Eagles, in its entirety, with every instance of the word California replaced with Minnesota. Voicemail #5: āHi, this is Cole St. Clair. Want to know two true things? One, youāre never picking up this phone. Two, Iām never going to stop leaving long messages. Itās like therapy. Gotta talk to someone. Hey, you know what I figured out today? Victorās dead. I figured it out yesterday, too. Every day I figure it out again. I donāt know what Iām doing here. I feel like thereās no one I can āāVoicemail #6: āSo, yeah, Iām sorry. That last message went a little pear-shaped. You like that expression? Sam said it the other day. Hey, try this theory on for size: I think heās a dead British housewife reincarnated into a Beatleās body. You know, I used to know this band that put on fake British accents for their shows. Boy, did they suck, aside from being assholes. I canāt remember their name now. Iām either getting senile or Iāve done enough to my brain that stuffās falling out. Not so fair of me to make this one-sided, is it? Iām always talking about myself in these things. So, how are you, Isabel Rosemary Culpeper? Smile lately? Hot Toddies. That was the name of the band. The Hot Toddies.āVoicemail #20: āI wish youād answer.